Victoria Beckham Scoffs Enormous Cheesecake…

282045-victoria-beckham

Vickie B – pic courtesy of the International Business Times

A friend of a friend of a friend once told me a story about Victoria Beckham

Apparently, the Beckhams are actually lovely employers (the friend of a friend etc knew someone employed by them), but they do (allegedly) insist on one stipulation from their employees – thou shalt not eat in front of Victoria.

I am intrigued. Is such a rule put in place because Victoria turns feral when faced with people tucking into food? There you are, innocently eating your cheese and ham sandwich and about to dive into that home-made flapjack when suddenly Victoria ATTACKS you. She snatches the sandwich from your lips and wolves it down in seconds. She grabs the flapjack from your hands and crams it into her gob. She finishes the food and howls at the moon, “GIMME MORE!!”

Oh please, let my imagining of this story be true! Anyway, I mention this as I am conscientiously trying to live as Paleo as possible (more of this in the next blog post), so I fear a feral moment of my own may well be coming on soon.

If such a wild deviation from the path of the hunter-gatherer diet did present itself, it would probably take the form of Mama Highheelsandpinkglitter’s white chocolate cheesecake. Don’t bother with that baking cheesecake nonsense and instead create this lovely vision of white deliciousness…

Enjoy – and if you do want to go feral on it, I’d recommend reading the following guide to The Attack on The Cheesecake

White Chocolate Cheesecake (serves 10-12)

Sunflower Oil for greasing
40g unsalted butter
50g dark chocolate
200g packet hob nobs
250 g marscapone
200g Greek yogurt
500g white chocolate (cheaper stuff melts better)
75g castor sugar
284 ml double cream, lightly whipped
Cocoa powder for dusting

Lightly oil a n 8-in loose bottomed cake tin with the sunflower oil. Melt the butter and half the dark chocolate in a pan, then stir in the biscuit crumbs until well mixed. Press on to the base of the cake tin and chill.

Melt the white chocolate in a heatproof bowl over a pan of simmering water. When it’s melted beat in the marscapone, yogurt and sugar.

Fold the whipped cream in and pour on to the biscuit base.

Grate the rest of the dark chocolate and scatter over the top of the cheesecake, then dust with sieved cocoa. Chill 4 hours or overnight.
 

 

Carling Don’t do Yorkshire Puddings, But if They Did…

A modest helping of roast beef, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, veg and red wine gravy.

Writing a blog requires a certain amount of discipline. Here I am on a Sunday – wishing no more than to splat on the sofa watching catch up TV (current favourite: Celebrity Masterchef) – but no, any guide to blog writing talks about the importance of regularity*, so I racked my brain for a suitable subject…

… and ended up with food once more! To tie the subject in with my alleged blog main theme (weddings, those of you have kindly signed up to follow me regularly – and I do think you are the most wonderful specimens of humanity – may note that this blog uses the theme of ‘wedding’ very loosely) I thought I’d blog this time about cooking for your intended.

Now, I adore food – to eat, to read about, to watch on TV. But I am the world’s most boring eater. I tend to eat the same thing day in, day out. If you are what you eat, I am a mixture of houmous, prawns, salad, bananas and cheese. Ooh, and er… red wine and a wee bit of chocolate.

I read recipes, I explore cookery websites, I flick through cook books in WH Smith as I while away time in train stations, imaging how I would improve dishes etc etc. And all of this activity is wasted on moi – as I am le mangeur ennuyeux** and too terrified to venture outside of my eating comfort zones. Happily though, my fiance loves being experimented on so I get to explore my creative side without having to throw out loads of food.

Pastry? He’s as happy as Larry to try. New curry recipes via the slow cooker? Contented man. Lorraine Pascale’s lasagne – thinks it’s super-duper. Home-made pizza – just make sure you roll the base thin enough. Fudge chocolate cake pudding – he’s demanding a second helping, albeit with feedback on the cooking time. [Maybe three minutes less next time.] White chocolate cheesecake – not as good as your mum’s… (HUH!)

So, on Saturday evening, in deeply traditional fashion, I thought I’d cook up a proper roast dinner. Namely, the roast beef of old Scotland.*** Meat in a hot oven! Potatoes in goose fat! Yorkshire pudding! Proper gravy!

The results of these endeavours have been posted  in pictorial form above (I can’t tell you how proud of I am of those Yorkshires, thank you Barney Desmazery). And, um, there was a wee bit of bossiness on my part while undertaking this operation and appointing my fiance as sous chef – “baste that beef”; “move that oven shelf down”; “heat the dish for the Yorkshire puddings”. [Pour me wine!]

All of these cookery tricks did demand certain skills from me – timing mainly. The potatoes were done long before the meat so they lost their initial crunchiness. And I overcooked pudding, woe. I can’t tell you how this tasted either, as I’m one of those wishy-washy types who refuses to eat meat, but suffers no qualms when it comes to fish. (Sentimental and egotistical human attachment to mammals possibly?)

But blimey, the house smelled amazing for hours afterwards, even if the oven most definitely now needs thorough cleaning. (Not my job, ha!)

 

*I apologise for the word ‘regularity’; it sounds unfortunately too close to what people use as descriptions for their bowel habits.

**Literal translation – ‘boring eater’. Not entirely sure if it should be masculine or feminine.

***Delia Smith refers to it as the roast beef of old England; our beef was definitely Celtic.